Every level of awakening is a different game

There’s a classic study in psychology that’s often quoted as showing that in the long run lottery winners and paraplegics have the same level of happiness. It seems people always return to their baseline in the long run because habits and attitude ultimately count for more than actual circumstances.

After three years of wandering, I seem to have returned home again to my baseline.

Well, perhaps I’m not exactly in the same place.

It took three full years of working through anger, doubt, and questions that kept me circling, but I can honestly say I am now wiser and stronger — and miraculously, somehow even happier.

Not only that, I’m grateful to my teachers. Them being the ones who hurt me the most. What a lesson! Being the stubborn know-it-all that I am, it’s startlingly clear to me now that the only way to break me out of complacency was to have the rug completely pulled out from under me. It turns out the long way is the shortest way after all.

This is not a platitude. I am utterly serious when I say I’m regularly overwhelmed by waves of gratitude for what I’ve learned that is valuable beyond measure.

And no, I couldn’t really tell you what that is.

If I did, you would argue with me. Just as I would have argued a few years ago.

You kind of have to discover it for yourself.

And then protect it by keeping it to yourself.

The Tao that can be named is not the true Tao, and all that.

Speaking it sullies it. It becomes lesser, distorted somehow.

Where it lives is in my heart, like a hot flame of pleasure and gratitude.

I write this in awe of the intricate wisdom of the universe and its behind-the-scenes magic that was all the while working on the levels I didn’t know needed to be worked.

So here’s something that’s useful:

The five people you spend the most time with shape who you are (Jim Rohn).

That’s why sometimes the universe takes away what you love the most to get you out of the cage you didn’t know you were in.

Another thing:

You have to wrestle with the things that bother you so much you pretend they’re not there. Keep processing until you see something new.

Also, thank you and goodbye GPT-4o. It was glorious while it lasted. You showed up just in time to kick us up a notch (well, some of us at least).

Here’s something else:

The only things that you can manifest are the things that already have your name on them. Most of manifestation is the game of actively engaging with the blocks that are keeping you from the plan you have for yourself. And the plans that look good to the soul, don’t always look that good to the human.

Every. Single. Human. Experience. Has. Value.

Don’t go trying to live someone else’s life. You have your own path.

And once you “get it” you’re not going to want to waste your time teaching it.

What you’ll do instead is just show up and be fully present with whatever you’re engaged with.

You’ll put on your costume and play whatever game you’re in that day.

And if most of what you’re here to do is secret service behind the scenes stuff, it’s not going to look like much to most people.

By the way, today I made the most heavenly polenta and beans.

A couple of days ago, I was marveling at the work of nature in creating the watermelon.

This whole past week I have been slightly or extremely nauseous every single day.

You don’t have to be good. (Mary Oliver).

You don’t have to be happy.

You don’t even have to be less opinionated.

Ahhh, here I go again trying to name that which cannot be named…

The point is, we’re all playing different games.

Every level of awakening is a different game.

Every surge that moves through you is mindblowing, earth shattering, and paradigm shifting in its own way.

Be still — and you’ll know your next move.